I must be too annoying 4 u.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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