I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
