When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
