so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize