And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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