I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
