guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
