You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
