dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
