On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Holy sore nipples Batman
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
