It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
