girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize