And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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