Please, let me fuck your mom
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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