we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
