I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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