Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
