found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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