Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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