Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
