I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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