fuck your aforementioned shoe
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
