Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
