i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
