considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
