Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Watching her eat just hurts me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
