My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
