Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
