I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
