I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
