i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
