i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
