dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
