and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
