I feel great
I just peed on a car
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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