dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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