my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
