if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
