Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
