I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
