got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
