In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
