Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
