dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you never un-have a 4some
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
