Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
