You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
