Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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