I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
