Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
