dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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