she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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