yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
