Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
