you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
