Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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