i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
