youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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