tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
