Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
