hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Are we still banned from the library?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I party with great urgency now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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