you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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