just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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