you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
