Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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