your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
