Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
