So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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