Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
