Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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