I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
should my penis look like a turkey
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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