The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
