he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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